My dad was crying at the counter last night. He is scared. He's scared they're not gonna find anything, he's scared if they do find something, and he just feels really bad. My mom and I were standing there and my mom said that she was calling the doctors this morning. Dad kind of inquired why and mom said because we need answers.
I looked at my mom and said, "I can do it!" quite excitedly actually. My mom's eyes got HUGE, bugging out is an understatement. She shook her head no and said, "NO, I know how you can be." I gave an innocent look and shrugged then replied, "I'm not THAT bad!"
My mom shook her head again and said, "You can get mean." I said, "I won't get mean." What she is referring to is the fact that I can be extremely pushy if not borderline aggressive when I want something. Sometimes it's a curse and sometimes it's a gift. I get it honestly.. (More on that in a bit) I think there's no perfect time than now to be stern and demand answers. It's been almost 2 months. 2 months of living hell for my dad.
I don't have a fear of being stern with doctors or nurses if they aren't moving fast enough. I don't generally accept the typical, "We'll call YOU back attitude." IF I get that then I call them back until they get sick of hearing my voice. Just ask my daughter's pediatrician! I don't generally get snotty unless they get snotty first. Then I will. Otherwise it's sickeningly sweet and personalizing the situation for them. What if this were your dad? Generally is all it takes. I digress..
How I came about this honestly... I was young, very young. There was a Payless Shoe store in a strip mall in Bloomington. There was a sign that said, "Buy 1 Get 1 Free!" My mom thought she had hit the jackpot for shoes! She went in and picked out her 2 pairs of sandals that she wanted. She went to check out and albeit her total was the price of both pairs. She said, "Uhm NO, your sign says b1g1f". The salesman tried to tell her that it was only for the sandals on the sign. My mom was NOT buying this and was NOT leaving the store until she got her pair of sandals for free. I saw my mom be aggressive and persuasive at the same time. All the while letting them know that the little tiny print at the bottom of the sign saying, "These sandals on this sign only are free." wasn't going to cut it for her. She left the store with 2 pairs of sandals. 1 she paid for and 1 was free. That's where I get it from. My mom doesn't generally back down if she's in the right. I'm the same way. If I'm right and I know it, I'll push the issue. Part of that comes from my dad too.. after all his nickname is Mr. Perfect. He was always right about everything...no matter how wrong he was, he was still right! My mom considers that one of her worst parenting moments, I consider it one of her greatest..
If there's ever been a better time to tell the doctors enough playing around, it's now. Figure out what is going on and fix my dad. I will follow my mom's wishes and not call the doctor. That will only upset her and that isn't ok. I mean really, she got a free pair of sandals in the 80s because she was ticked. Surely we can get answers because of her background in bargaining ;).
It's been 10 days since his MRA, 5 days since his EEG. That's more than enough time to have some results. I just hope and pray that they're good results, that they find something that's fixable. Anything to take my dad's hell away from him.
I told my dad last night, I wish this was me and not you. I do wish it was me. I'm younger, I'm more resilient, I think maybe, just maybe, I could handle it better. Then my dad wouldn't be hurting so much. I could hurt instead of him. I'd be ok with that. My dad is the family's hero, me, not so much. It boils down to the fact that watching him in so much pain, so unsteady, so short of breath, so dizzy, and not being able to speak well is hell too. Just a different kind of hell. It's realizing that he's not invincible anymore. It ignites a certain fire in me to want to fight for him. He fought for the family for so many years, it's time we fight for him.
This got way longer and a lot more rambly than I expected it to. In short, pray that we get some answers today. We need those more than anything.
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