Thanksgiving went well. My folks went to J's house for a little bit. Dad although tired, seemed to be doing pretty well. I held a conversation with him & he didn't stutter once. It's so hard to think that those are the biggest bright spots in my days. Just talking to my dad. He went to bed shortly after they got home and I saw him get up once to get his nightly meds and then back to bed he went.
Friday he seemed to be doing ok. Still tired from the day before.
Yesterday was hell. Complete and total hell. It was hell for anyone who was around. My dad was in a bad mood. Then the bad mood went to tears. He was crying when I went to pick mom up & take her to Wal-Mart. Mom got in the van and she started crying. This is going sound really bad, but she was pissed. She wasn't pissed at my dad at all, she's pissed at the doctors for dragging their feet. For not coming up with answers. She said, "If these damn doctors don't figure out what's going on, I'm calling the regular doctor and getting a referral to Chicago." It's nice to see my mom get pissed. She rarely does. When she IS pissed, watch out. This is what we need for my dad. My urging & pleading with her to pester the doctors only made her feel sad. I think seeing my dad how he is now, is pissing her off. She knows that he wants more than what he's getting. Seeing my dad cry rips my mom to pieces and in turn pisses her off at anyone who's making him cry. In short Pissed off mom = results for dad! ;)
We got home from Wal-Mart a couple hours later and I told mom to go in, I'd get everything. Dad was standing at the door like he was going to come out and help. I said, "Dad I've got it don't worry about it." He moved away from the door, went to sit in his chair and then just sobbed into his hands. Mom and I both think that he wanted to come with us to Wal-Mart but just didn't feel good enough to go. We brought him back a milk shake because his mouth his hurting. (I'm unsure on this one, I just know that his jaw hurts which is making his throat, tounge and gums sore)
In the mean time mom went back to her computer & less than 10 minutes later, I 1/2 assedly asked her if she wanted to try some of the stuff I made for Thanksgiving. I said it in the hallway so dad would think that that's why I was going back there. I hit the door before she said just a little. I asked her to come out to the kitchen because dad was sobbing and I didn't know what to do to fix it. She said, "Lisa you can't fix it." I shook my head & said well then come out here because I can't handle this by myself. I choked back tears as I asked him if he wanted me to get him some Thanksgiving dinner or not. He did. I gave him mostly soft stuff to eat. I went back out to the kitchen after getting his plate and it was empty so he did manage to eat. I asked if he wanted anything else or needed anything and he said no he was good.
About an hour later he came in and told me that he was going to bed and that he'd see me in the morning. I didn't get up to hug him. Even now, less than 12 hours later I regret not hugging him good night. I don't know why I didn't, I just didn't.
Yesterday was extremely difficult. Today aught to be pretty good though. My babies were at their dad's house for Thanksgiving so it's been 4 days since dad has seen Itty Bitty (his nickname for the 11 yo). As soon as she walks in the door he'll be happy again. She is his everything.
As I type this I wonder if my dad feels this way every day & just refuses to show it because Itty Bitty is normally there. Something to think about I guess. This really makes me want to re-think sending her on visits. She doesn't like going anyhow. If it makes all 3 of them happy then why not?
This is the latest... Yes we're still waiting on answers.
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