I got a frantic call around 11:40 am yesterday morning. I ignored it.. I was taking a nap. Mike's phone rang and low and behold he comes flying in the bedroom. "LISA GET UP! MOM NEEDS YOU!" oi oi oi!! *yawn* I take the phone from Mike, it was my mom. "Lisa go to the pharmacy and get over here NOW!" In hindsight I feel bad about yawning but that's what happened. I jump up throw on jeans while listening to Mike tell me that he could hear dad crying in the back ground. I tell Mike to call the pharmacy and have the rx's ready so all I have to do is sign for them. I went flying down the road, did a 180, and headed to the pharmacy. I get to the pharmacy and run in.. literally. Dan said, "What's going on?" I said, "I don't know, is it ready?" It was, I signed for it & left. Flew over to my folks' house, barely got the car in park and ran.
I flung open the door & said, "DAD WHERE ARE YOU? ARE YOU OK?" He was sitting at his counter just sobbing. He is so sad. He cried even harder when he explained that we shouldn't have to take care of him. Then cried even harder still when he said that we should be sick of taking care of him. I just hugged him, kissed him and reassured him that I wouldn't rather be doing anything but be right there to take care of him. I asked him what medicine I picked up for him & it was an NSAID for his breast tissue that's swollen. I said well go on and take it. It'll make at least that part of your body feel better.
Dad apologized for waking me up from my nap. I said dad it's ok. Not a big deal. It's not a big deal. I would've much rather been there with him talking to him & reassuring him that us taking care of him is of the utmost importance.
Mom called me back to her office and said that she couldn't handle him when he gets like that. She doesn't know what to do or say. I said mom just tell him that it's ok, we're supposed to be there for him & we LIKE being there for him.
I think today I need to sit down and write about when I was a child and how he always took care of us, now it's our turn. To let us do it, not to feel guilty about it, & let him know that it's not a big deal to take care of him. If he needs us there's no other place in the world I'd rather be but right there with him.
Tell him things like, "Remember when you were late for work and you had to get J and I ready to go out the door?" He always took time to push our hair back in our hoods. Zip us up & tie our hoods. Made sure that our lil gloves were inside the wrists of our jackets to keep the cold out. I remember the smell of his hands. Cologne and metal. Remember how it wasn't a big deal to do that before work.. well it's not a big deal to take care of him now.
Ack kids are up & I just lost my train of thought.. I think this is all! LOL!
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Pictures, Doctor's Appointments, and Health, OH MY!!
First things first, the folks are doing ok.
Saturday Dad's good friend, D, came up & took family pictures. It was so fabulous!! We had such a great time & couldn't thank her enough! D has been an phenomenal source of strength for me. She is completely understanding of everything that we are going through. When crap gets tough she is always there to listen. I absolutely adore her. My Dad only picks good people to be in his life & she's one of them! She spent 2 hours taking over 200 pictures of the family. How do you thank someone who took time out of their own schedule to spend time with your family, taking any and all pictures possible? Feel free to email with ideas. I can't wait to see the pictures!
There was only 1 sad time when we were taking pictures. My mom wanted one of herself, she wanted one of dad as well. She kind of sprung it on me and I choked back tears as she explained that she wanted a good single picture of her and dad for their obituaries. We didn't think dad would understand why we wanted a pic of him alone but as they were driving home dad said, "I can die now, I have a picture for my obituary." Again choking back tears. This isn't supposed to happen yet. They're too young to die. I digress.
Through my conversations with D, we are thinking that dad is willing himself to die. He made the comment to J, that he wasn't going to bury mom. I mentioned that to mom & she said that someone else had told her the same thing. My dad is essentially giving up. As sad as it is it's kind of a comfort to know that dad trusts us with mom. As D said, "He knows that if he dies, he'll see your mom again soon." It's a painful realization.
Moving on. We'll start with mom, she's easier right now! Yesterday she had an appointment with her oncologist. The oncologist thinks that she looks good! She hasn't started losing her hair yet. She hasn't had many side effects from the chemo as of yet. She's tired, and that's her main complaint. She smiles, she laughs, she's in good spirits. Maybe it's a front for us. Such a selfless woman she is. As I've said before, "Chemo is for the family, not for the patient. Who would willingly open themselves up for chemicals repeatedly to live when in all actuality it might only buy you a year or more?" I learn everyday what it's like to be a mom from my mom. I've been one for 12 years however learning how to be a mom to older kids is what I'm taking notes on right now.
Now onto dad. He's not so simple right now. He's feeling like crap. He's stuttering, he's stumbling, and he looks gray 90% of the time. Yesterday was a great day. He was happy and joking and only stuttered slightly. It was fabulous. You see, my dad has new found hope. Yesterday he had 2 doctor's appointments. One was w/ his regular doctor because his right breast was hurting and there was a lump there. My mom couldn't feel anything so I went down and felt. There was something there, what, I didn't know. Dr. Jani told dad that he has inflamed breast tissue. To be sure that's all it is, he rx'ed anti-inflammatories and dad has an ultrasound on his right breast. This could possibly have something to do with his tumor. We're kind of hoping that it does. If it does then dad goes in for brain surgery to get rid of his tumor and we hopefully get the happy dad back!
Moving on, Dad saw his heart doctor yesterday as well. His heart doctor threw a massive fit saying that everything that is going on with dad is NOT stress related and basically everyone else is full of shit and lazy because dad's symptoms are REAL. Something IS going on with him and his heart doctor, Dr. Murphy, is going to get to the bottom of it. He's going to find out what is going on inside of dad's body. Thank God.
That's the update from here. Hopefully soon we'll have more information on what's going on. Hopefully mom continues feeling pretty well.
To My Daddy,
Don't give up yet. You have so many people fighting for you. When you're too weak to fight for yourself use our strength to pull you through. You mean so much to so many people. We love you so much!! ~Lisa
Saturday Dad's good friend, D, came up & took family pictures. It was so fabulous!! We had such a great time & couldn't thank her enough! D has been an phenomenal source of strength for me. She is completely understanding of everything that we are going through. When crap gets tough she is always there to listen. I absolutely adore her. My Dad only picks good people to be in his life & she's one of them! She spent 2 hours taking over 200 pictures of the family. How do you thank someone who took time out of their own schedule to spend time with your family, taking any and all pictures possible? Feel free to email with ideas. I can't wait to see the pictures!
There was only 1 sad time when we were taking pictures. My mom wanted one of herself, she wanted one of dad as well. She kind of sprung it on me and I choked back tears as she explained that she wanted a good single picture of her and dad for their obituaries. We didn't think dad would understand why we wanted a pic of him alone but as they were driving home dad said, "I can die now, I have a picture for my obituary." Again choking back tears. This isn't supposed to happen yet. They're too young to die. I digress.
Through my conversations with D, we are thinking that dad is willing himself to die. He made the comment to J, that he wasn't going to bury mom. I mentioned that to mom & she said that someone else had told her the same thing. My dad is essentially giving up. As sad as it is it's kind of a comfort to know that dad trusts us with mom. As D said, "He knows that if he dies, he'll see your mom again soon." It's a painful realization.
Moving on. We'll start with mom, she's easier right now! Yesterday she had an appointment with her oncologist. The oncologist thinks that she looks good! She hasn't started losing her hair yet. She hasn't had many side effects from the chemo as of yet. She's tired, and that's her main complaint. She smiles, she laughs, she's in good spirits. Maybe it's a front for us. Such a selfless woman she is. As I've said before, "Chemo is for the family, not for the patient. Who would willingly open themselves up for chemicals repeatedly to live when in all actuality it might only buy you a year or more?" I learn everyday what it's like to be a mom from my mom. I've been one for 12 years however learning how to be a mom to older kids is what I'm taking notes on right now.
Now onto dad. He's not so simple right now. He's feeling like crap. He's stuttering, he's stumbling, and he looks gray 90% of the time. Yesterday was a great day. He was happy and joking and only stuttered slightly. It was fabulous. You see, my dad has new found hope. Yesterday he had 2 doctor's appointments. One was w/ his regular doctor because his right breast was hurting and there was a lump there. My mom couldn't feel anything so I went down and felt. There was something there, what, I didn't know. Dr. Jani told dad that he has inflamed breast tissue. To be sure that's all it is, he rx'ed anti-inflammatories and dad has an ultrasound on his right breast. This could possibly have something to do with his tumor. We're kind of hoping that it does. If it does then dad goes in for brain surgery to get rid of his tumor and we hopefully get the happy dad back!
Moving on, Dad saw his heart doctor yesterday as well. His heart doctor threw a massive fit saying that everything that is going on with dad is NOT stress related and basically everyone else is full of shit and lazy because dad's symptoms are REAL. Something IS going on with him and his heart doctor, Dr. Murphy, is going to get to the bottom of it. He's going to find out what is going on inside of dad's body. Thank God.
That's the update from here. Hopefully soon we'll have more information on what's going on. Hopefully mom continues feeling pretty well.
To My Daddy,
Don't give up yet. You have so many people fighting for you. When you're too weak to fight for yourself use our strength to pull you through. You mean so much to so many people. We love you so much!! ~Lisa
Friday, January 14, 2011
Time for an update!
My folks are doing well. So far there hasn't been any really bad side effects thanks to Red Devil. My mom still has her hair! (YAY!) She's tired but alas is still hanging in there! She's still keeping up on all of her farms too! LOL!
My dad is doing ok, he's tired, and he has a hard time holding his head up sometimes but he's doing ok. Mom needs to make him an appointment for a new concern that has come up. I'm not discussing it yet as it's a pretty sensitive matter.
Sunday we're having family pictures done! Thank you SO MUCH D for coming up to do these pictures after we had to cancel last weekend! I really appreciate this!
Lisa
Sunday, January 9, 2011
1/7/2011.. How the day went..
My mom had her first Doxorubicin, Doxil, Red Devil, Red Death treatment. My dad took her down to the Cancer Center around 8 am. They got back and did blood work to check her counts etc. Then they put her in one of the Chemo chairs. They explained all of the possible side effects which are what they say online. (Slow death in a bag I'm tellin ya)
I got there around 9:45. I came down later because I wanted to be there all day in case dad had to go home. Around 11 am they started her Doxil. They were only doing 60 cc's an hour b/c they wanted to see how her body reacted to it. She had maybe 20 cc's in when her chest started tightening. They slowed it down, added more histimine blockers and then continued. They ever so slowly bumped it up to 125 cc's/hour. Her throat started to swell. She had that nagging feeling in her throat, she tried drinking but it just wasn't helping. They stopped her treatment, pulled the Doxil off of her IV pole & pumped her with Benedryl & Pepcid. Pepcid is another histimine Blocker. That took about an hour, they spoke to her oncologist who really wants her on this crap. After she was nicely drugged they started her treatment again, said that we'd go until 5:30 P.M. and whatever was left was left, we got as much as we could in her.
Dad left around 2-3 P.M. he was looking extremely gray and just in general not feeling well. The rest of her chemo went off without a hitch. I filled out some of my Mom tell me a story book and we chatted. Around 4:30 P.M. Mom started sweating and getting hot. She looked a little bit pale. She took her blanket off of herself and was preparing to leave. I said, "Mom what's up?" She said, "We're leaving at 5 right?" I said, "No they're running your treatment until 5:30 and then they'll shut you off if you're not done." She said, "Oh, well hell." LOL! It was the sweetest thing ever. She was so ready to go.
She actually finished her treatment at 5:27pm. She wasn't all that thrilled about that. LOL! I got her stuff packed up, got the car warmed up, and we left around 5:45 ish. I was a little bit cranky, not because of anything she had done, but because I was sad. I was hoping against hope that this chemo wouldn't agree with her. That she wouldn't have to take this crap but alas I suppose with enough histimine blockers they can give you anything. :/
Yesterday morning I anxiously awaited her phone call. I wanted & needed to know how she was doing. She was pretty nauseated. It was 8:30 or so when we got to my mom's house and she was looking ok, but you could tell she wasn't feeling the greatest. She had an rx of Compazine at the pharmacy but the pharmacy didn't open until 9. Mike, the babies and I went to the pharmacy at 8:45. God love Dan Boian, he was already there and let me pick up my mom's meds. Anything to make her feel better. She felt better after she took the Compazine. Her day was spent between farming, playing on the computer, and sleeping. It's ok Mama, you're in the fight of your life right now, you sleep as much as you want. We'll take care of everything else. I promise.
When we went to my mom's yesterday morning, dad wasn't fairing so well. He just didn't look good. He was tired. Mom's chemo treatment had worn him out. He just can't handle being out of the house for 6-8 hours a day. He slept most of the day.
The family pictures that I had planned didn't happen. That's ok though. We'll have more weekends and I just hope that mom doesn't lose her hair too fast. We're shooting for 2 weeks from now. Unless my ex husband doesn't get the kids next weekend. Then we'll do them then!
Back to mom. She's in for 6 months of this crap. Once every 4 weeks. She's on the lowest possible dose which is good. We're hoping her side effects will be minimal. We are going to have dad take her to her appointments, then as soon as I get off work I'll go down and sit with her for the rest of her treatments so dad can come home. I'll get there about 2.
If anyone would like to sit with mom please let me know. When you go in please explain to her just to take her treatment like she would if dad or I were there. She generally sleeps through most of it, but we like for someone to be there just in case she needs something. Since her appetite is still ok, she really likes vanilla frosties from Wendy's! LOL! It's actually pretty boring sitting there but you get to know your chair 'mate'.
Also please understand that it's not a dark dungeon. There are 21 chairs, most of the time they are full. You will hear beeping, oxygen machines running, IV poles being moved around (yes the patients get up and walk around!), but most of all you'll hear laughter. Yes laughter.. it's soothing to the soul.
~Lisa
I got there around 9:45. I came down later because I wanted to be there all day in case dad had to go home. Around 11 am they started her Doxil. They were only doing 60 cc's an hour b/c they wanted to see how her body reacted to it. She had maybe 20 cc's in when her chest started tightening. They slowed it down, added more histimine blockers and then continued. They ever so slowly bumped it up to 125 cc's/hour. Her throat started to swell. She had that nagging feeling in her throat, she tried drinking but it just wasn't helping. They stopped her treatment, pulled the Doxil off of her IV pole & pumped her with Benedryl & Pepcid. Pepcid is another histimine Blocker. That took about an hour, they spoke to her oncologist who really wants her on this crap. After she was nicely drugged they started her treatment again, said that we'd go until 5:30 P.M. and whatever was left was left, we got as much as we could in her.
Dad left around 2-3 P.M. he was looking extremely gray and just in general not feeling well. The rest of her chemo went off without a hitch. I filled out some of my Mom tell me a story book and we chatted. Around 4:30 P.M. Mom started sweating and getting hot. She looked a little bit pale. She took her blanket off of herself and was preparing to leave. I said, "Mom what's up?" She said, "We're leaving at 5 right?" I said, "No they're running your treatment until 5:30 and then they'll shut you off if you're not done." She said, "Oh, well hell." LOL! It was the sweetest thing ever. She was so ready to go.
She actually finished her treatment at 5:27pm. She wasn't all that thrilled about that. LOL! I got her stuff packed up, got the car warmed up, and we left around 5:45 ish. I was a little bit cranky, not because of anything she had done, but because I was sad. I was hoping against hope that this chemo wouldn't agree with her. That she wouldn't have to take this crap but alas I suppose with enough histimine blockers they can give you anything. :/
Yesterday morning I anxiously awaited her phone call. I wanted & needed to know how she was doing. She was pretty nauseated. It was 8:30 or so when we got to my mom's house and she was looking ok, but you could tell she wasn't feeling the greatest. She had an rx of Compazine at the pharmacy but the pharmacy didn't open until 9. Mike, the babies and I went to the pharmacy at 8:45. God love Dan Boian, he was already there and let me pick up my mom's meds. Anything to make her feel better. She felt better after she took the Compazine. Her day was spent between farming, playing on the computer, and sleeping. It's ok Mama, you're in the fight of your life right now, you sleep as much as you want. We'll take care of everything else. I promise.
When we went to my mom's yesterday morning, dad wasn't fairing so well. He just didn't look good. He was tired. Mom's chemo treatment had worn him out. He just can't handle being out of the house for 6-8 hours a day. He slept most of the day.
The family pictures that I had planned didn't happen. That's ok though. We'll have more weekends and I just hope that mom doesn't lose her hair too fast. We're shooting for 2 weeks from now. Unless my ex husband doesn't get the kids next weekend. Then we'll do them then!
Back to mom. She's in for 6 months of this crap. Once every 4 weeks. She's on the lowest possible dose which is good. We're hoping her side effects will be minimal. We are going to have dad take her to her appointments, then as soon as I get off work I'll go down and sit with her for the rest of her treatments so dad can come home. I'll get there about 2.
If anyone would like to sit with mom please let me know. When you go in please explain to her just to take her treatment like she would if dad or I were there. She generally sleeps through most of it, but we like for someone to be there just in case she needs something. Since her appetite is still ok, she really likes vanilla frosties from Wendy's! LOL! It's actually pretty boring sitting there but you get to know your chair 'mate'.
Also please understand that it's not a dark dungeon. There are 21 chairs, most of the time they are full. You will hear beeping, oxygen machines running, IV poles being moved around (yes the patients get up and walk around!), but most of all you'll hear laughter. Yes laughter.. it's soothing to the soul.
~Lisa
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Yesterday
Yesterday
Yesterday while you were just waking up, I had been awake for hours thinking about my mom.
Yesterday while you were getting ready for work, I was trying to build the strength to go see her.
Yesterday while you were dropping the kids off at daycare, My folks were already in the Cancer center & being told what reactions & side effects she COULD have from chemo this time.
Yesterday while you were starting your day at work, I managed to eat something before going there.
Yesterday while you were busy at work, I started my drive to the Cancer center.
Yesterday while you were having your morning break, I walked into a full Cancer Center.
Yesterday while you were discussing the latest shows by the water cooler, I was watching 14 people be infused with IV chemicals that will hopefully save their life.
Yesterday while you were waiting for lunch, I watched my mom get pumped with Doxil.
Yesterday while you were heading to lunch, I watched my mom have a reaction to Doxil.
Yesterday while you were eating your lunch, I saw 3 nurses surround my mom and try to figure out why her body was having a reaction to the Red Devil.
Yesterday while you were coming back from lunch, I saw them pump her full of antihistimines to force her body to take this chemical.
Yesterday while you were hitting the mid day lull, I was finally able to leave and get my folks some lunch.
Yesterday while you were dreaming of getting off of work, I watched 4 people leave freshly infused with chemicals.
Yesterday while you were on your drive home from work, I saw my mom start to sweat and get pale.
Yesterday while you were stuck in traffic, I saw my mom finish her first dose of Red Death.
Yesterday while you greeted your family, I helped my mom to the car so she could go home and crash.
Yesterday while you were making dinner, I took my mom home and helped her get in the house.
This morning while you are still sleeping, worn out from your work week, I am awake awaiting a phone call to see how my mom did last night.
Today I will be praying for my mom's health to improve although I know it won't.
Today I will be praying that the chemo doesn't make her sick.
Today I will be having family pictures taken, all the while hoping that these aren't our last family pictures.
As much as I'd love to ask if you'd like to trade days & lives, I won't. I'm meant to live this life because quite frankly, few could handle this.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Yesterday Was Hell, Tomorrow Will Be Hell...
Yesterday I talked to mom & found out that dad had a 'spell'. I stopped by their house last night to drop dinner off & mom told me that dad had one of his 'spells'. I inquired more because he has different spells. He has spells where he stutters, spells where he can't think, spells where he's in pain etc. Mom couldn't really explain it just said that he wasn't feeling well at all. Keeping all of this in mind when I talked to her around 1:30 yesterday afternoon she said that she thought that he was feeling better than he had the previous day. I guess on Tuesday he slept most of the day. By 6pm last night he wasn't feeling well.
Last night dad called around 7pm to ask about one of Kaitlyn's problems and he said, "I think the answer is 20 but I'm not feeling good so I could be wrong." I said, "No dad that's the right answer." I confirmed with Mike just to be sure. After we got Kaitlyn's problem squared away, I asked him how he was feeling or what happened this afternoon to make him feel bad. He said, It felt like he had fallen and hit the back of his head. He said the room was spinning and (He said again) it just felt like he had fallen and hit the back of his head on cement. He said that he was disoriented as well. He laid down and when he got up I'm assuming he felt a little bit better. He stuttered a little while he was on the phone. Anymore it's not really shocking to hear him stutter. It used to take my breath away and make me feel like shit. Now I'm used to it. Never ever thought I'd say that.
Tomorrow mom starts her chemo. I can't really get my head out of my ass to look at this in perspective. It has consumed me and that's not really a good thing. I'm thinking of taking off work tomorrow so that I can go with her. Dad will be there but 6 hours is a very long time for him to be out of the house and away from his bed if he starts feeling crappy. I have errands that I can run in Bloomington while she's there. I just don't see dad being able to handle the 6 hours away from home. If mom feels bad after chemo and dad feels bad how are they going to get home? I'm going to talk to mom this morning about it. Explain my concerns and see if she agrees. If she does then I'll be taking tomorrow off of work.
Who am I kidding? I just don't have a good feeling about tomorrow, that's why I want/need to be there. So much for sugar coating huh? Hopefully tomorrow goes off without a hitch. Hopefully mom feels well enough on Saturday for pictures. That's the update..
P.S. I bought them the Grandparents tell me a story book for the babies. It's a guided journal for them to talk about their lives. When the babies are old enough it'll be given to them.
Last night dad called around 7pm to ask about one of Kaitlyn's problems and he said, "I think the answer is 20 but I'm not feeling good so I could be wrong." I said, "No dad that's the right answer." I confirmed with Mike just to be sure. After we got Kaitlyn's problem squared away, I asked him how he was feeling or what happened this afternoon to make him feel bad. He said, It felt like he had fallen and hit the back of his head. He said the room was spinning and (He said again) it just felt like he had fallen and hit the back of his head on cement. He said that he was disoriented as well. He laid down and when he got up I'm assuming he felt a little bit better. He stuttered a little while he was on the phone. Anymore it's not really shocking to hear him stutter. It used to take my breath away and make me feel like shit. Now I'm used to it. Never ever thought I'd say that.
Tomorrow mom starts her chemo. I can't really get my head out of my ass to look at this in perspective. It has consumed me and that's not really a good thing. I'm thinking of taking off work tomorrow so that I can go with her. Dad will be there but 6 hours is a very long time for him to be out of the house and away from his bed if he starts feeling crappy. I have errands that I can run in Bloomington while she's there. I just don't see dad being able to handle the 6 hours away from home. If mom feels bad after chemo and dad feels bad how are they going to get home? I'm going to talk to mom this morning about it. Explain my concerns and see if she agrees. If she does then I'll be taking tomorrow off of work.
Who am I kidding? I just don't have a good feeling about tomorrow, that's why I want/need to be there. So much for sugar coating huh? Hopefully tomorrow goes off without a hitch. Hopefully mom feels well enough on Saturday for pictures. That's the update..
P.S. I bought them the Grandparents tell me a story book for the babies. It's a guided journal for them to talk about their lives. When the babies are old enough it'll be given to them.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Mom Had an Appointment with the Lung Specialist Today.
Mom had her appointment w/ Dr. B today. This was a pretty important appointment if we wanted to get his take on how she's doing and what's going on with her lungs. Simply put, her cancer has grown. In 4 months it's gone from approximately the size of a cherry to the size of a plum. The type she has is called Adenocarcinoma
She is going to be starting Doxorubicin on Friday. There are some scary definitions out there about this Chemo. It's the same as I've posted about before but her lung doctor says that this is one of the best used to treat Adenocarcinoma.
My mom has to go back on her oxygen 24/7 while at home. When she's out in public she doesn't have to. It's a bit of a compromise between them both. Dr. B really wants her on it all the time, My mom loathes wearing it so this was a happy medium. Plus she's home more than she's not.
Mom goes in at 8am on Friday for her first treatment. She goes once every 3 weeks which is different from her 3 weeks on 1 week off schedule.
If anyone is planning on visiting my folks, please pay attention to your body. If you have the sniffles, even slight ones, do not visit. If you have a cough don't visit. Chemo kills your white blood cells which makes you extremely susceptible to infection. Any fever over 100.5 is an automatic visit to the doctor for her. When you come in wash your hands immediately. I know this seems harsh but if my babies can do it anyone visiting can as well ;). Purell works too ;)
This is the latest update on my mom. Prayers are welcomed. If you know her name feel free to add it to any and all prayer lists please.
She is going to be starting Doxorubicin on Friday. There are some scary definitions out there about this Chemo. It's the same as I've posted about before but her lung doctor says that this is one of the best used to treat Adenocarcinoma.
My mom has to go back on her oxygen 24/7 while at home. When she's out in public she doesn't have to. It's a bit of a compromise between them both. Dr. B really wants her on it all the time, My mom loathes wearing it so this was a happy medium. Plus she's home more than she's not.
Mom goes in at 8am on Friday for her first treatment. She goes once every 3 weeks which is different from her 3 weeks on 1 week off schedule.
If anyone is planning on visiting my folks, please pay attention to your body. If you have the sniffles, even slight ones, do not visit. If you have a cough don't visit. Chemo kills your white blood cells which makes you extremely susceptible to infection. Any fever over 100.5 is an automatic visit to the doctor for her. When you come in wash your hands immediately. I know this seems harsh but if my babies can do it anyone visiting can as well ;). Purell works too ;)
This is the latest update on my mom. Prayers are welcomed. If you know her name feel free to add it to any and all prayer lists please.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
We Told The Babies.
Yesterday I picked my babies up from their dad. They were so anxious to get home and finally play with all of their new toys!! Unfortunately I had to make a pit stop at Grammy & Papa's house first. I texted Mike and let him know that we would be there in 10 minutes. Texted my mom to tell her we'd be there in 10.
We got there and the kids were out of the car before I even got it shut off. They were so excited to see everyone again! Papa was standing at the door awaiting their arrival. Big hugs all around as they went in. My babies had no clue what we were about to lay on them. It really sucked actually.
We all went in the living room and sat down. I took the DS from Christopher who was not happy about it. Dad sat at the table, Mike on the couch, Mom in her chair, 2 babies on the couch and Kaitlyn on Grammy's lap. I got a pretty good pic of Kaitlyn and mom together, both smiling. It was great. I looked at the floor, and said, "Guys remember about a month ago we sat you guys down and told you that Grammy had to have another test on her lungs to see about her cancer?" Kaitlyn got the instant look of fear. I didn't really pause and kept going. I had the nerve for all of 2.5 seconds and I just needed to blurt it before I started crying. I said, "Guys Grammy is sick again, she has to take more chemo." Kaitlyn cried. It wasn't super loud but she is sad, she's hurt. She's scared. All she kept saying was, "Grammy you can't leave me, I don't want to lose you." That was very hard to hear. She's saying everything that we as adults hold in so that my mom doesn't 'feel bad'. Maybe 'feel bad' are the wrong words.
She cried a little bit as I asked if they had questions. I explained that basically chemo is a really big antibiotic. Sometimes if you take a lot of a medicine it can make you sick. Told them the chances of Grammy losing her hair was pretty good. Explained that Grammy is taking this medicine that might make her sick, to make her better in the end & give us more time with her. Christopher point blankly said, "Yeah if she doesn't she'll just die." I nodded. Children have a way of either accepting or smacking you in the face with reality. Kayla & Christopher both seem to grasp that Grammy is sick & that eventually she'll die. If only they knew what die really meant. They have an idea.. but not the total picture yet.
All in all I think all the kids took it a lot better than we thought they would. They are dealing a lot better than I am. They are dealing a lot better than Grammy & Papa are. For once I'd kill to be a kid. To be shielded from this kind of pain. To be shielded from the hell that my mom will endure so that we can have her longer. Lets face it, Chemo is for the relatives, not so much the person taking it. Agreeing to go on a medicine that you KNOW will make you sick is selfless. Silly me I call it medicine.. lets face it.. it's chemicals in a bag.
Dear God.. don't take my mom. Don't take my dad. Find someone else to take please. ~Lisa
We got there and the kids were out of the car before I even got it shut off. They were so excited to see everyone again! Papa was standing at the door awaiting their arrival. Big hugs all around as they went in. My babies had no clue what we were about to lay on them. It really sucked actually.
We all went in the living room and sat down. I took the DS from Christopher who was not happy about it. Dad sat at the table, Mike on the couch, Mom in her chair, 2 babies on the couch and Kaitlyn on Grammy's lap. I got a pretty good pic of Kaitlyn and mom together, both smiling. It was great. I looked at the floor, and said, "Guys remember about a month ago we sat you guys down and told you that Grammy had to have another test on her lungs to see about her cancer?" Kaitlyn got the instant look of fear. I didn't really pause and kept going. I had the nerve for all of 2.5 seconds and I just needed to blurt it before I started crying. I said, "Guys Grammy is sick again, she has to take more chemo." Kaitlyn cried. It wasn't super loud but she is sad, she's hurt. She's scared. All she kept saying was, "Grammy you can't leave me, I don't want to lose you." That was very hard to hear. She's saying everything that we as adults hold in so that my mom doesn't 'feel bad'. Maybe 'feel bad' are the wrong words.
She cried a little bit as I asked if they had questions. I explained that basically chemo is a really big antibiotic. Sometimes if you take a lot of a medicine it can make you sick. Told them the chances of Grammy losing her hair was pretty good. Explained that Grammy is taking this medicine that might make her sick, to make her better in the end & give us more time with her. Christopher point blankly said, "Yeah if she doesn't she'll just die." I nodded. Children have a way of either accepting or smacking you in the face with reality. Kayla & Christopher both seem to grasp that Grammy is sick & that eventually she'll die. If only they knew what die really meant. They have an idea.. but not the total picture yet.
All in all I think all the kids took it a lot better than we thought they would. They are dealing a lot better than I am. They are dealing a lot better than Grammy & Papa are. For once I'd kill to be a kid. To be shielded from this kind of pain. To be shielded from the hell that my mom will endure so that we can have her longer. Lets face it, Chemo is for the relatives, not so much the person taking it. Agreeing to go on a medicine that you KNOW will make you sick is selfless. Silly me I call it medicine.. lets face it.. it's chemicals in a bag.
Dear God.. don't take my mom. Don't take my dad. Find someone else to take please. ~Lisa
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Selfish Post--My 2011 New Years Resolutions.
1) Keep my mom & dad alive to see 2012.
2) Don't kill any stupid people.
Really that's all. It's not a long list. Although it doesn't seem like much.. right now we're at the bottom of a mountain. Once we get to the other side I hope I have both of my parents.
2) Don't kill any stupid people.
Really that's all. It's not a long list. Although it doesn't seem like much.. right now we're at the bottom of a mountain. Once we get to the other side I hope I have both of my parents.
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