We Told The Babies.

Yesterday I picked my babies up from their dad. They were so anxious to get home and finally play with all of their new toys!! Unfortunately I had to make a pit stop at Grammy & Papa's house first. I texted Mike and let him know that we would be there in 10 minutes. Texted my mom to tell her we'd be there in 10.

We got there and the kids were out of the car before I even got it shut off. They were so excited to see everyone again! Papa was standing at the door awaiting their arrival. Big hugs all around as they went in. My babies had no clue what we were about to lay on them. It really sucked actually.

We all went in the living room and sat down. I took the DS from Christopher who was not happy about it. Dad sat at the table, Mike on the couch, Mom in her chair, 2 babies on the couch and Kaitlyn on Grammy's lap. I got a pretty good pic of Kaitlyn and mom together, both smiling. It was great. I looked at the floor, and said, "Guys remember about a month ago we sat you guys down and told you that Grammy had to have another test on her lungs to see about her cancer?" Kaitlyn got the instant look of fear. I didn't really pause and kept going. I had the nerve for all of 2.5 seconds and I just needed to blurt it before I started crying. I said, "Guys Grammy is sick again, she has to take more chemo." Kaitlyn cried. It wasn't super loud but she is sad, she's hurt. She's scared. All she kept saying was, "Grammy you can't leave me, I don't want to lose you." That was very hard to hear. She's saying everything that we as adults hold in so that my mom doesn't 'feel bad'. Maybe 'feel bad' are the wrong words.

She cried a little bit as I asked if they had questions. I explained that basically chemo is a really big antibiotic. Sometimes if you take a lot of a medicine it can make you sick. Told them the chances of Grammy losing her hair was pretty good. Explained that Grammy is taking this medicine that might make her sick, to make her better in the end & give us more time with her. Christopher point blankly said, "Yeah if she doesn't she'll just die." I nodded. Children have a way of either accepting or smacking you in the face with reality. Kayla & Christopher both seem to grasp that Grammy is sick & that eventually she'll die. If only they knew what die really meant. They have an idea.. but not the total picture yet.

All in all I think all the kids took it a lot better than we thought they would. They are dealing a lot better than I am. They are dealing a lot better than Grammy & Papa are. For once I'd kill to be a kid. To be shielded from this kind of pain. To be shielded from the hell that my mom will endure so that we can have her longer. Lets face it, Chemo is for the relatives, not so much the person taking it. Agreeing to go on a medicine that you KNOW will make you sick is selfless. Silly me I call it medicine.. lets face it.. it's chemicals in a bag.

Dear God.. don't take my mom. Don't take my dad. Find someone else to take please. ~Lisa