Updates All Around.

My dad got his psychoanalysis back a couple of weeks ago. It showed that he was depressed. That's it. The doctors are now blaming all of his symptoms on depression. The stuttering, the dizziness, the stumbling, the forgetfulness. It's all depression. Feel free to draw your own conclusion because chances are we agree with you. *if bullshit was your first conclusion then you are spot on*

Moving on. My mom had a cat scan last Friday on her lungs. They are every 2 months now vs every 3 months. Her oncologist wanted to see if her chemo was working. It's not. Her cancer has grown again. A little bit. That's all she can get out of her oncologist. A little bit. No 'size'. Although the last time that her cancer grew and it was a 'little bit' it went from the size of a finger nail to a plum. Again draw your own conclusions.

Mom was supposed to have a red devil treatment on Friday. They have stopped the red devil and she is now going on a new chemo. She couldn't remember what it was called. She now goes once a week vs once a month. She isn't supposed to lose her hair. This new chemo is supposed to have less side effects. I'm unsure how you can have less side effects when Red devil didn't give her any side effects.

She's switching her treatments to Pontiac vs Bloomington b/c of  the price of gas. She likes the Bloomington office better though. Personally if I have to sell everything I own to pay for her to go to Bloomington I would. It's ONLY once a week. I need to talk to her more about it today. It's all about her comfort. I have been to the Pontiac office and I hate it. It's so dark and dreary. Absolutely NOTHING like the Bloomington office.

As I've said before chemo is for the family not the patient. I don't know who in their right mind would put themselves through all of this stuff. I honestly don't. My mom's love for her family is never ending & it's deep.

It's sunk into me.. but I'm still in denial over it. Reality is one day all I'll have left of her are her memories, the smell of her perfume, and when I have a bad day I won't be able to call and talk about it. When I need a hug, my pillow will have to do because she won't be here to hug me. This shit sucks. I hate cancer. I hate that my mom has to go through this. I wish it were me.