Dear 'Your Friend',
Thank You. Thank You is insufficient. Yesterday when I got off of work I went to my mom's. More tears fell. Massive amounts of tears fell. My mom handed me a card. I opened it. Out fell something that was needed for my folks. Something that made my mom think. She has now said that she will TRY to go to Pontiac but if she can't handle it or if I'm not comfortable with it she'll go to Bloomington. Thank You 'your friend'. You have no idea how much the card alone helped. I sit here typing with tears because it proves how much my folks are loved not only by me but by so many other people. I think I know who 'your friend' is but I could be wrong. This generic "Thank You" will have to do until I find out more. Love, Lisa & her folks ;)
I have taken Monday off of work. Tuesday was a super crappy day at work. It was my attitude more than anything else. I cried most of the day Tuesday and most of the afternoon yesterday. The chemo has never NOT worked. I never thought my folks would go to the oncologist and hear, "The chemo isn't working." I always assumed the chemo would become too aggressive and the side effects would be what would stop my mom from taking chemo. NOT that it wouldn't work.
I went in to work yesterday and my boss wasn't there. I asked the ladies if anyone was taking Monday off. They all said no. I explained the situation and explained that while I could show up to work I'm unsure of how much help I would actually be. They all encouraged me to take the day off. When my boss got back and I could talk to her WITHOUT crying I did. She said, "Lisa you only have 1 mom, you have sick days for family illness, use them." Less than 5 minutes later she had a sub for me on Monday.
As it turns out I had to drop an order off to my boss' boss and asked her if my boss had contacted her about me being off on Monday. She said that she hadn't. I explained the situation to her and again she encouraged me to take the time off. Telling me that, "Whatever I needed to do was ok." I love my job. I might only be a lunch lady, but I love it. The hours are perfect. I'm out of my town for 4 hours total per day. That leaves 20 hours to take care of my folks. I need this right now. My co-workers are amazing. They don't get upset with me when I'm having a super bad day and just need to emotionally shut down. They are supportive with my folks' health issues. That alone is worth all of their weight in gold.
Monday I will be with my mom as they infuse her with new chemicals. New chemicals that are supposed to have less side effects than the Red Devil. New Chemicals where she SHOULDN'T lose her hair. I don't know why that's so important to me but it is. Maybe it's because if she has her hair, then I can 'pretend' that she's not sick. Maybe it's because my babies won't see that she is sick. Denial is sometimes nice.
My mom is doing as she's always done. She's put on a smile and a strong exterior. I know seeing me cry doesn't help. For me reality is setting in. One day I won't walk in to the sound of her oxygen machine running. One day I'll pick up the phone to call her and she won't be there. One day I'll send her a text and I won't get a response. One day I'll yell, "I LOBR YOOOOOO" over my shoulder as I'm leaving and there won't be a response. One day I'll desperately need one of her hugs and she won't be there to give me one. My pillow will have to do. Anytime you go into my folks' house when they get home from somewhere the house is filled with the smell of my mom's perfume (Sweet Honesty or Night Magic from Avon) it's an awesome smell. She's worn it for as long as I can remember. One day it won't be there. I asked my mom yesterday. "What will happen when it's not there." She said, "Lisa, you'll sit in the middle of the floor and cry. You'll want to scream and you'll be mad because I left you." Through massive tears I told her that I wouldn't be mad at her for leaving. I couldn't be mad at her for leaving. She said, "It's ok if you are." She said, "You'll sit in the floor and cry as hard as you ever have before." I'm blessed and cursed at the same time. I've never lost anyone I was super close to. I don't know the pain and the finalization of death. I know what it means. I've never truly felt it though. It's a curse that quite possibly my parents will be my first real experience with death.
~Lisa
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Updates All Around.
My dad got his psychoanalysis back a couple of weeks ago. It showed that he was depressed. That's it. The doctors are now blaming all of his symptoms on depression. The stuttering, the dizziness, the stumbling, the forgetfulness. It's all depression. Feel free to draw your own conclusion because chances are we agree with you. *if bullshit was your first conclusion then you are spot on*
Moving on. My mom had a cat scan last Friday on her lungs. They are every 2 months now vs every 3 months. Her oncologist wanted to see if her chemo was working. It's not. Her cancer has grown again. A little bit. That's all she can get out of her oncologist. A little bit. No 'size'. Although the last time that her cancer grew and it was a 'little bit' it went from the size of a finger nail to a plum. Again draw your own conclusions.
Mom was supposed to have a red devil treatment on Friday. They have stopped the red devil and she is now going on a new chemo. She couldn't remember what it was called. She now goes once a week vs once a month. She isn't supposed to lose her hair. This new chemo is supposed to have less side effects. I'm unsure how you can have less side effects when Red devil didn't give her any side effects.
She's switching her treatments to Pontiac vs Bloomington b/c of the price of gas. She likes the Bloomington office better though. Personally if I have to sell everything I own to pay for her to go to Bloomington I would. It's ONLY once a week. I need to talk to her more about it today. It's all about her comfort. I have been to the Pontiac office and I hate it. It's so dark and dreary. Absolutely NOTHING like the Bloomington office.
As I've said before chemo is for the family not the patient. I don't know who in their right mind would put themselves through all of this stuff. I honestly don't. My mom's love for her family is never ending & it's deep.
It's sunk into me.. but I'm still in denial over it. Reality is one day all I'll have left of her are her memories, the smell of her perfume, and when I have a bad day I won't be able to call and talk about it. When I need a hug, my pillow will have to do because she won't be here to hug me. This shit sucks. I hate cancer. I hate that my mom has to go through this. I wish it were me.
Moving on. My mom had a cat scan last Friday on her lungs. They are every 2 months now vs every 3 months. Her oncologist wanted to see if her chemo was working. It's not. Her cancer has grown again. A little bit. That's all she can get out of her oncologist. A little bit. No 'size'. Although the last time that her cancer grew and it was a 'little bit' it went from the size of a finger nail to a plum. Again draw your own conclusions.
Mom was supposed to have a red devil treatment on Friday. They have stopped the red devil and she is now going on a new chemo. She couldn't remember what it was called. She now goes once a week vs once a month. She isn't supposed to lose her hair. This new chemo is supposed to have less side effects. I'm unsure how you can have less side effects when Red devil didn't give her any side effects.
She's switching her treatments to Pontiac vs Bloomington b/c of the price of gas. She likes the Bloomington office better though. Personally if I have to sell everything I own to pay for her to go to Bloomington I would. It's ONLY once a week. I need to talk to her more about it today. It's all about her comfort. I have been to the Pontiac office and I hate it. It's so dark and dreary. Absolutely NOTHING like the Bloomington office.
As I've said before chemo is for the family not the patient. I don't know who in their right mind would put themselves through all of this stuff. I honestly don't. My mom's love for her family is never ending & it's deep.
It's sunk into me.. but I'm still in denial over it. Reality is one day all I'll have left of her are her memories, the smell of her perfume, and when I have a bad day I won't be able to call and talk about it. When I need a hug, my pillow will have to do because she won't be here to hug me. This shit sucks. I hate cancer. I hate that my mom has to go through this. I wish it were me.
Friday, February 11, 2011
2nd Round of Chemo Done! Psychoanalysis Results IN!
I really should try to update this blog more huh? Things have been crazy busy for me lately!
Mom had her 2nd Chemo treatment on 2/4/2011. She seems to be doing ok with it. She's tired which is to be expected. This last Chemo didn't take nearly as long as the first one did. They pumped her with her histamine blockers before they started the Red Devil. She was done by 3:30pm. She still has her hair and isn't really being affected by too many side effects. Her next chemo appointment is 3/4/2011.
Dad got his psychoanalysis back. It showed that he is depressed. Rx for that? He was told, no kidding, "Go out and play in the snow with your grandbabies and get some counseling." uhm. hmm. :/ Yeah. Not sure what to make of that honestly. If the counseling works and he gets better GREAT! If not, then what? According to all of the doctors he's healthy as a horse. They are going to put him on a c-pap machine to help his breathing at night. We'll see how this goes. Right now I'm not a believer. Hopefully I'm wrong. Hopefully this IS all it takes. Monday he has a counseling appointment. Please work.
That's the update from here. Really nothing too spectacular has happened. I am kind of liking this lull in drama right now!
Mom had her 2nd Chemo treatment on 2/4/2011. She seems to be doing ok with it. She's tired which is to be expected. This last Chemo didn't take nearly as long as the first one did. They pumped her with her histamine blockers before they started the Red Devil. She was done by 3:30pm. She still has her hair and isn't really being affected by too many side effects. Her next chemo appointment is 3/4/2011.
Dad got his psychoanalysis back. It showed that he is depressed. Rx for that? He was told, no kidding, "Go out and play in the snow with your grandbabies and get some counseling." uhm. hmm. :/ Yeah. Not sure what to make of that honestly. If the counseling works and he gets better GREAT! If not, then what? According to all of the doctors he's healthy as a horse. They are going to put him on a c-pap machine to help his breathing at night. We'll see how this goes. Right now I'm not a believer. Hopefully I'm wrong. Hopefully this IS all it takes. Monday he has a counseling appointment. Please work.
That's the update from here. Really nothing too spectacular has happened. I am kind of liking this lull in drama right now!
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Just an update.
I got a frantic call around 11:40 am yesterday morning. I ignored it.. I was taking a nap. Mike's phone rang and low and behold he comes flying in the bedroom. "LISA GET UP! MOM NEEDS YOU!" oi oi oi!! *yawn* I take the phone from Mike, it was my mom. "Lisa go to the pharmacy and get over here NOW!" In hindsight I feel bad about yawning but that's what happened. I jump up throw on jeans while listening to Mike tell me that he could hear dad crying in the back ground. I tell Mike to call the pharmacy and have the rx's ready so all I have to do is sign for them. I went flying down the road, did a 180, and headed to the pharmacy. I get to the pharmacy and run in.. literally. Dan said, "What's going on?" I said, "I don't know, is it ready?" It was, I signed for it & left. Flew over to my folks' house, barely got the car in park and ran.
I flung open the door & said, "DAD WHERE ARE YOU? ARE YOU OK?" He was sitting at his counter just sobbing. He is so sad. He cried even harder when he explained that we shouldn't have to take care of him. Then cried even harder still when he said that we should be sick of taking care of him. I just hugged him, kissed him and reassured him that I wouldn't rather be doing anything but be right there to take care of him. I asked him what medicine I picked up for him & it was an NSAID for his breast tissue that's swollen. I said well go on and take it. It'll make at least that part of your body feel better.
Dad apologized for waking me up from my nap. I said dad it's ok. Not a big deal. It's not a big deal. I would've much rather been there with him talking to him & reassuring him that us taking care of him is of the utmost importance.
Mom called me back to her office and said that she couldn't handle him when he gets like that. She doesn't know what to do or say. I said mom just tell him that it's ok, we're supposed to be there for him & we LIKE being there for him.
I think today I need to sit down and write about when I was a child and how he always took care of us, now it's our turn. To let us do it, not to feel guilty about it, & let him know that it's not a big deal to take care of him. If he needs us there's no other place in the world I'd rather be but right there with him.
Tell him things like, "Remember when you were late for work and you had to get J and I ready to go out the door?" He always took time to push our hair back in our hoods. Zip us up & tie our hoods. Made sure that our lil gloves were inside the wrists of our jackets to keep the cold out. I remember the smell of his hands. Cologne and metal. Remember how it wasn't a big deal to do that before work.. well it's not a big deal to take care of him now.
Ack kids are up & I just lost my train of thought.. I think this is all! LOL!
I flung open the door & said, "DAD WHERE ARE YOU? ARE YOU OK?" He was sitting at his counter just sobbing. He is so sad. He cried even harder when he explained that we shouldn't have to take care of him. Then cried even harder still when he said that we should be sick of taking care of him. I just hugged him, kissed him and reassured him that I wouldn't rather be doing anything but be right there to take care of him. I asked him what medicine I picked up for him & it was an NSAID for his breast tissue that's swollen. I said well go on and take it. It'll make at least that part of your body feel better.
Dad apologized for waking me up from my nap. I said dad it's ok. Not a big deal. It's not a big deal. I would've much rather been there with him talking to him & reassuring him that us taking care of him is of the utmost importance.
Mom called me back to her office and said that she couldn't handle him when he gets like that. She doesn't know what to do or say. I said mom just tell him that it's ok, we're supposed to be there for him & we LIKE being there for him.
I think today I need to sit down and write about when I was a child and how he always took care of us, now it's our turn. To let us do it, not to feel guilty about it, & let him know that it's not a big deal to take care of him. If he needs us there's no other place in the world I'd rather be but right there with him.
Tell him things like, "Remember when you were late for work and you had to get J and I ready to go out the door?" He always took time to push our hair back in our hoods. Zip us up & tie our hoods. Made sure that our lil gloves were inside the wrists of our jackets to keep the cold out. I remember the smell of his hands. Cologne and metal. Remember how it wasn't a big deal to do that before work.. well it's not a big deal to take care of him now.
Ack kids are up & I just lost my train of thought.. I think this is all! LOL!
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Pictures, Doctor's Appointments, and Health, OH MY!!
First things first, the folks are doing ok.
Saturday Dad's good friend, D, came up & took family pictures. It was so fabulous!! We had such a great time & couldn't thank her enough! D has been an phenomenal source of strength for me. She is completely understanding of everything that we are going through. When crap gets tough she is always there to listen. I absolutely adore her. My Dad only picks good people to be in his life & she's one of them! She spent 2 hours taking over 200 pictures of the family. How do you thank someone who took time out of their own schedule to spend time with your family, taking any and all pictures possible? Feel free to email with ideas. I can't wait to see the pictures!
There was only 1 sad time when we were taking pictures. My mom wanted one of herself, she wanted one of dad as well. She kind of sprung it on me and I choked back tears as she explained that she wanted a good single picture of her and dad for their obituaries. We didn't think dad would understand why we wanted a pic of him alone but as they were driving home dad said, "I can die now, I have a picture for my obituary." Again choking back tears. This isn't supposed to happen yet. They're too young to die. I digress.
Through my conversations with D, we are thinking that dad is willing himself to die. He made the comment to J, that he wasn't going to bury mom. I mentioned that to mom & she said that someone else had told her the same thing. My dad is essentially giving up. As sad as it is it's kind of a comfort to know that dad trusts us with mom. As D said, "He knows that if he dies, he'll see your mom again soon." It's a painful realization.
Moving on. We'll start with mom, she's easier right now! Yesterday she had an appointment with her oncologist. The oncologist thinks that she looks good! She hasn't started losing her hair yet. She hasn't had many side effects from the chemo as of yet. She's tired, and that's her main complaint. She smiles, she laughs, she's in good spirits. Maybe it's a front for us. Such a selfless woman she is. As I've said before, "Chemo is for the family, not for the patient. Who would willingly open themselves up for chemicals repeatedly to live when in all actuality it might only buy you a year or more?" I learn everyday what it's like to be a mom from my mom. I've been one for 12 years however learning how to be a mom to older kids is what I'm taking notes on right now.
Now onto dad. He's not so simple right now. He's feeling like crap. He's stuttering, he's stumbling, and he looks gray 90% of the time. Yesterday was a great day. He was happy and joking and only stuttered slightly. It was fabulous. You see, my dad has new found hope. Yesterday he had 2 doctor's appointments. One was w/ his regular doctor because his right breast was hurting and there was a lump there. My mom couldn't feel anything so I went down and felt. There was something there, what, I didn't know. Dr. Jani told dad that he has inflamed breast tissue. To be sure that's all it is, he rx'ed anti-inflammatories and dad has an ultrasound on his right breast. This could possibly have something to do with his tumor. We're kind of hoping that it does. If it does then dad goes in for brain surgery to get rid of his tumor and we hopefully get the happy dad back!
Moving on, Dad saw his heart doctor yesterday as well. His heart doctor threw a massive fit saying that everything that is going on with dad is NOT stress related and basically everyone else is full of shit and lazy because dad's symptoms are REAL. Something IS going on with him and his heart doctor, Dr. Murphy, is going to get to the bottom of it. He's going to find out what is going on inside of dad's body. Thank God.
That's the update from here. Hopefully soon we'll have more information on what's going on. Hopefully mom continues feeling pretty well.
To My Daddy,
Don't give up yet. You have so many people fighting for you. When you're too weak to fight for yourself use our strength to pull you through. You mean so much to so many people. We love you so much!! ~Lisa
Saturday Dad's good friend, D, came up & took family pictures. It was so fabulous!! We had such a great time & couldn't thank her enough! D has been an phenomenal source of strength for me. She is completely understanding of everything that we are going through. When crap gets tough she is always there to listen. I absolutely adore her. My Dad only picks good people to be in his life & she's one of them! She spent 2 hours taking over 200 pictures of the family. How do you thank someone who took time out of their own schedule to spend time with your family, taking any and all pictures possible? Feel free to email with ideas. I can't wait to see the pictures!
There was only 1 sad time when we were taking pictures. My mom wanted one of herself, she wanted one of dad as well. She kind of sprung it on me and I choked back tears as she explained that she wanted a good single picture of her and dad for their obituaries. We didn't think dad would understand why we wanted a pic of him alone but as they were driving home dad said, "I can die now, I have a picture for my obituary." Again choking back tears. This isn't supposed to happen yet. They're too young to die. I digress.
Through my conversations with D, we are thinking that dad is willing himself to die. He made the comment to J, that he wasn't going to bury mom. I mentioned that to mom & she said that someone else had told her the same thing. My dad is essentially giving up. As sad as it is it's kind of a comfort to know that dad trusts us with mom. As D said, "He knows that if he dies, he'll see your mom again soon." It's a painful realization.
Moving on. We'll start with mom, she's easier right now! Yesterday she had an appointment with her oncologist. The oncologist thinks that she looks good! She hasn't started losing her hair yet. She hasn't had many side effects from the chemo as of yet. She's tired, and that's her main complaint. She smiles, she laughs, she's in good spirits. Maybe it's a front for us. Such a selfless woman she is. As I've said before, "Chemo is for the family, not for the patient. Who would willingly open themselves up for chemicals repeatedly to live when in all actuality it might only buy you a year or more?" I learn everyday what it's like to be a mom from my mom. I've been one for 12 years however learning how to be a mom to older kids is what I'm taking notes on right now.
Now onto dad. He's not so simple right now. He's feeling like crap. He's stuttering, he's stumbling, and he looks gray 90% of the time. Yesterday was a great day. He was happy and joking and only stuttered slightly. It was fabulous. You see, my dad has new found hope. Yesterday he had 2 doctor's appointments. One was w/ his regular doctor because his right breast was hurting and there was a lump there. My mom couldn't feel anything so I went down and felt. There was something there, what, I didn't know. Dr. Jani told dad that he has inflamed breast tissue. To be sure that's all it is, he rx'ed anti-inflammatories and dad has an ultrasound on his right breast. This could possibly have something to do with his tumor. We're kind of hoping that it does. If it does then dad goes in for brain surgery to get rid of his tumor and we hopefully get the happy dad back!
Moving on, Dad saw his heart doctor yesterday as well. His heart doctor threw a massive fit saying that everything that is going on with dad is NOT stress related and basically everyone else is full of shit and lazy because dad's symptoms are REAL. Something IS going on with him and his heart doctor, Dr. Murphy, is going to get to the bottom of it. He's going to find out what is going on inside of dad's body. Thank God.
That's the update from here. Hopefully soon we'll have more information on what's going on. Hopefully mom continues feeling pretty well.
To My Daddy,
Don't give up yet. You have so many people fighting for you. When you're too weak to fight for yourself use our strength to pull you through. You mean so much to so many people. We love you so much!! ~Lisa
Friday, January 14, 2011
Time for an update!
My folks are doing well. So far there hasn't been any really bad side effects thanks to Red Devil. My mom still has her hair! (YAY!) She's tired but alas is still hanging in there! She's still keeping up on all of her farms too! LOL!
My dad is doing ok, he's tired, and he has a hard time holding his head up sometimes but he's doing ok. Mom needs to make him an appointment for a new concern that has come up. I'm not discussing it yet as it's a pretty sensitive matter.
Sunday we're having family pictures done! Thank you SO MUCH D for coming up to do these pictures after we had to cancel last weekend! I really appreciate this!
Lisa
Sunday, January 9, 2011
1/7/2011.. How the day went..
My mom had her first Doxorubicin, Doxil, Red Devil, Red Death treatment. My dad took her down to the Cancer Center around 8 am. They got back and did blood work to check her counts etc. Then they put her in one of the Chemo chairs. They explained all of the possible side effects which are what they say online. (Slow death in a bag I'm tellin ya)
I got there around 9:45. I came down later because I wanted to be there all day in case dad had to go home. Around 11 am they started her Doxil. They were only doing 60 cc's an hour b/c they wanted to see how her body reacted to it. She had maybe 20 cc's in when her chest started tightening. They slowed it down, added more histimine blockers and then continued. They ever so slowly bumped it up to 125 cc's/hour. Her throat started to swell. She had that nagging feeling in her throat, she tried drinking but it just wasn't helping. They stopped her treatment, pulled the Doxil off of her IV pole & pumped her with Benedryl & Pepcid. Pepcid is another histimine Blocker. That took about an hour, they spoke to her oncologist who really wants her on this crap. After she was nicely drugged they started her treatment again, said that we'd go until 5:30 P.M. and whatever was left was left, we got as much as we could in her.
Dad left around 2-3 P.M. he was looking extremely gray and just in general not feeling well. The rest of her chemo went off without a hitch. I filled out some of my Mom tell me a story book and we chatted. Around 4:30 P.M. Mom started sweating and getting hot. She looked a little bit pale. She took her blanket off of herself and was preparing to leave. I said, "Mom what's up?" She said, "We're leaving at 5 right?" I said, "No they're running your treatment until 5:30 and then they'll shut you off if you're not done." She said, "Oh, well hell." LOL! It was the sweetest thing ever. She was so ready to go.
She actually finished her treatment at 5:27pm. She wasn't all that thrilled about that. LOL! I got her stuff packed up, got the car warmed up, and we left around 5:45 ish. I was a little bit cranky, not because of anything she had done, but because I was sad. I was hoping against hope that this chemo wouldn't agree with her. That she wouldn't have to take this crap but alas I suppose with enough histimine blockers they can give you anything. :/
Yesterday morning I anxiously awaited her phone call. I wanted & needed to know how she was doing. She was pretty nauseated. It was 8:30 or so when we got to my mom's house and she was looking ok, but you could tell she wasn't feeling the greatest. She had an rx of Compazine at the pharmacy but the pharmacy didn't open until 9. Mike, the babies and I went to the pharmacy at 8:45. God love Dan Boian, he was already there and let me pick up my mom's meds. Anything to make her feel better. She felt better after she took the Compazine. Her day was spent between farming, playing on the computer, and sleeping. It's ok Mama, you're in the fight of your life right now, you sleep as much as you want. We'll take care of everything else. I promise.
When we went to my mom's yesterday morning, dad wasn't fairing so well. He just didn't look good. He was tired. Mom's chemo treatment had worn him out. He just can't handle being out of the house for 6-8 hours a day. He slept most of the day.
The family pictures that I had planned didn't happen. That's ok though. We'll have more weekends and I just hope that mom doesn't lose her hair too fast. We're shooting for 2 weeks from now. Unless my ex husband doesn't get the kids next weekend. Then we'll do them then!
Back to mom. She's in for 6 months of this crap. Once every 4 weeks. She's on the lowest possible dose which is good. We're hoping her side effects will be minimal. We are going to have dad take her to her appointments, then as soon as I get off work I'll go down and sit with her for the rest of her treatments so dad can come home. I'll get there about 2.
If anyone would like to sit with mom please let me know. When you go in please explain to her just to take her treatment like she would if dad or I were there. She generally sleeps through most of it, but we like for someone to be there just in case she needs something. Since her appetite is still ok, she really likes vanilla frosties from Wendy's! LOL! It's actually pretty boring sitting there but you get to know your chair 'mate'.
Also please understand that it's not a dark dungeon. There are 21 chairs, most of the time they are full. You will hear beeping, oxygen machines running, IV poles being moved around (yes the patients get up and walk around!), but most of all you'll hear laughter. Yes laughter.. it's soothing to the soul.
~Lisa
I got there around 9:45. I came down later because I wanted to be there all day in case dad had to go home. Around 11 am they started her Doxil. They were only doing 60 cc's an hour b/c they wanted to see how her body reacted to it. She had maybe 20 cc's in when her chest started tightening. They slowed it down, added more histimine blockers and then continued. They ever so slowly bumped it up to 125 cc's/hour. Her throat started to swell. She had that nagging feeling in her throat, she tried drinking but it just wasn't helping. They stopped her treatment, pulled the Doxil off of her IV pole & pumped her with Benedryl & Pepcid. Pepcid is another histimine Blocker. That took about an hour, they spoke to her oncologist who really wants her on this crap. After she was nicely drugged they started her treatment again, said that we'd go until 5:30 P.M. and whatever was left was left, we got as much as we could in her.
Dad left around 2-3 P.M. he was looking extremely gray and just in general not feeling well. The rest of her chemo went off without a hitch. I filled out some of my Mom tell me a story book and we chatted. Around 4:30 P.M. Mom started sweating and getting hot. She looked a little bit pale. She took her blanket off of herself and was preparing to leave. I said, "Mom what's up?" She said, "We're leaving at 5 right?" I said, "No they're running your treatment until 5:30 and then they'll shut you off if you're not done." She said, "Oh, well hell." LOL! It was the sweetest thing ever. She was so ready to go.
She actually finished her treatment at 5:27pm. She wasn't all that thrilled about that. LOL! I got her stuff packed up, got the car warmed up, and we left around 5:45 ish. I was a little bit cranky, not because of anything she had done, but because I was sad. I was hoping against hope that this chemo wouldn't agree with her. That she wouldn't have to take this crap but alas I suppose with enough histimine blockers they can give you anything. :/
Yesterday morning I anxiously awaited her phone call. I wanted & needed to know how she was doing. She was pretty nauseated. It was 8:30 or so when we got to my mom's house and she was looking ok, but you could tell she wasn't feeling the greatest. She had an rx of Compazine at the pharmacy but the pharmacy didn't open until 9. Mike, the babies and I went to the pharmacy at 8:45. God love Dan Boian, he was already there and let me pick up my mom's meds. Anything to make her feel better. She felt better after she took the Compazine. Her day was spent between farming, playing on the computer, and sleeping. It's ok Mama, you're in the fight of your life right now, you sleep as much as you want. We'll take care of everything else. I promise.
When we went to my mom's yesterday morning, dad wasn't fairing so well. He just didn't look good. He was tired. Mom's chemo treatment had worn him out. He just can't handle being out of the house for 6-8 hours a day. He slept most of the day.
The family pictures that I had planned didn't happen. That's ok though. We'll have more weekends and I just hope that mom doesn't lose her hair too fast. We're shooting for 2 weeks from now. Unless my ex husband doesn't get the kids next weekend. Then we'll do them then!
Back to mom. She's in for 6 months of this crap. Once every 4 weeks. She's on the lowest possible dose which is good. We're hoping her side effects will be minimal. We are going to have dad take her to her appointments, then as soon as I get off work I'll go down and sit with her for the rest of her treatments so dad can come home. I'll get there about 2.
If anyone would like to sit with mom please let me know. When you go in please explain to her just to take her treatment like she would if dad or I were there. She generally sleeps through most of it, but we like for someone to be there just in case she needs something. Since her appetite is still ok, she really likes vanilla frosties from Wendy's! LOL! It's actually pretty boring sitting there but you get to know your chair 'mate'.
Also please understand that it's not a dark dungeon. There are 21 chairs, most of the time they are full. You will hear beeping, oxygen machines running, IV poles being moved around (yes the patients get up and walk around!), but most of all you'll hear laughter. Yes laughter.. it's soothing to the soul.
~Lisa
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